why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
