One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
