is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I faked an abortion last night.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
