his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
