If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
