my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
