my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
