You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
