my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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