I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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