Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
