I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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