i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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