I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
