If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
