dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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