I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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