Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
