if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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