Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
