my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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