I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
