She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the day after is always just damage control
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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