Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize