She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
