you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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