my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
