I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
