I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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