Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
