What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
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