He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
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