I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the day after is always just damage control
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize