So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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