We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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