you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You dont lie about slip and slides
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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