There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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