I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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