yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
