Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
