We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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