hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
