That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
