It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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