Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
