did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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