WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
