she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
