I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
