kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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