LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Even my vagina gasped.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
