Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
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