I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
