Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
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