He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
