I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
