pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
