Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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