I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We're too hungover to prance.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
