i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
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Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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