His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
