You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
