I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
