I want to make a zoo with you.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Randomize
