Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
