Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
