I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
