Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
