$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
