At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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