Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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