Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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