**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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